A Bum Rap!

Well yesterday was B day. That's B for Bum. This is my 3rd time i have had to have this hospital procedure to plug up the leak. It seems the duct tape didn't work too well and the cork was hard to replace. Cork trees are getting rare and the quality is porous.
So i had to go in and have lunch with a nice surgeon who said he'd done this op'n piles of times. I was not alone either, there were 3 of us on his menu and as it worked out i was last to go.
 I was a bit put off by this as we all know what happens when we get tired. Yes, that's right, we make mistakes. Just have a read of Stef's procedure Here if you are brave enough, and this was going through my mind most of the time.
 I had been told to check in at 12.20pm but i arrived 10 minutes early and was quite surprised when i was immediately shown to a lovely room and told to watch TV if i cared to and then i ordered evening meal. I was even called SIR! I said to the lady why do i need to order a meal i don't think i will be here that long.
Ha! She said. Order it and then if you have gone i will eat it. Hm i thought. Doesn't sound promising.
 So after 1/2 an hour a nurse came and asked if i had taken the bowel loosening medicine yesterday. What medicine i replied, even though i thought it strange that i hadn't received any. Oh well she replied, that's an enema then, i will be back. Shit i thought!  Well not exactly but you can guess what i mean.
 So half an hour later, i was in desperate need to open the hatch doors and let Moses escape. OMG if you have never had an enema you should have one just for the fun of it, and the muscle contractions and the searing pain of course and the bruised cheeks with nail marks in them.
 Fun, i bet the nurses take bets on what minute you slam the loo door. I could just see them doing hi 5's and exchanging money.
 Then i was told there was a delay, it seems that in surgery it was not going too well for one of the other 2 guys. It was a long delay. Maybe they couldn't find the cork or something.
 Eventually and 130 pages of my book later, they come for me, trolley all prepared and i was wired for sound. I tried cracking a few jokes with the anesthetist and the nurses but they were having non of it. My jokes were falling on deaf ears. They were having a bad day.
 I lay back and closed my eyes as the needle went in and then they injected me with a large Gin.
So there i was back in my suite wearing these lovely paper pants and gown and chatting to Sheila when a lovely lady brought me my evening meal. It was 7.30 ish. It was fab, Jacket potato, beans, cheese, mixed salad with dressing followed by Orange drizzle cake and a pot of fresh ground coffee. Sheila was starving so i had to share it, but i didn't mind honest.

 At about 9.00pm, fed, watered and disemboweled i was given the "all clear" to leave the building. I was in some pain and not completely clear of the anesthetic but i hopped and skipped down the passageway and bid farewell to the staff.
 With paracetamol in hand we headed home.
 Stef, i am fine. No drama's. Phew.